The Jerks in the Back Row
We know what you're thinking: "How in the hell do I do this? Why isn't there any video? Who are these guys and why are they babbling about stuff?" Well, don't worry, that's what this page is for. So look around and see if there's not an answer to your question. If there isn't, feel free to contact us and we'll do our best to answer it ourselves.
- Who are you guys?
- We're the Jerks. J, Brett, Randy, and Sean. We also have guest-jerks when we think someone would be a good fit. Since none of that probably means anything to you, we'll put it like this: we're nerds. We like horror and science
fiction movies, and the fact is, a lot of them suck. Mainly because a lot of EVERYTHING sucks, but still. As a result, we've all seen WAY more horrible movies than most people, which leads us to...
- Why do you do this?
- Because we enjoy it. Once upon a time, Brett had the idea to start recording commentaries making fun of movies. Obviously, MST3k was part of his inspiration, but if that were all, we'd have never come this far. To tell the truth,
we've been doing this for years... we just never thought to turn on mics while we did it.
- I can't believe you made fun of Halloween/Death Proof/etc.!!!1 That was an awesome movie!111!!! You guys suck!
- That is not a question, but we'll respond anyway. First, everything is relative. An amazing movie to one person
can be an utter stinker to another. Titantic made more money than most countries, but to J, it's a slow, predictable
flick with generic, stereotypical characters and a pretentious score. Which probably isn't surprising considering
the fact that J makes no qualms about SAW being his favorite film, despite most people writing it off as gorn. To
each their own. Second, nothing is sacred. Most of these movies we honestly enjoy. We're all MASSIVE John
Carpenter fans. If you notice, we quote most of these movies, because we've watched them over and over again
before we ever even dreamed of doing commentaries on them. Just because we joke doesn't mean we hate.
Except Uwe Boll. We hate Uwe Boll.
- How in the hell do I get this thing to work? Why isn't there any video?
- There is no video because we don't feel like getting sued into the stone age. The way it works is pretty simple.
First, you download the mp3. Then, you rent/buy/borrow/steal the movie (we're not condoning theft, but it's
not like we know how you got the damn thing, you damn dirty thief). THEN, you start playing the commentary
and see where we have it paused. You pop in the DVD, pause it at the same point, and then we give you the
countdown to pressing play. Everything should be synched up, and if things get a little off... well it's free, what
do you expect? It's not like our jokes being 5 seconds off is going to ruin anything, anyway.
- I'd never seen (insert movie here) before and you Jerks ruined the ending!
- You're kidding, right? Our commentaries assume you've already seen the movie. We're probably going to be
talking over plot points, ignoring dialogue, and basically acting like the jerks that sit behind you in the theatre and
ruin your movie (that's actually what the name means, even though we're silent as ghosts at the theatre, we're
nerds, remember?), so you should watch it without us first. If you don't, we take no responsibility. Oh, and these
movies are (for the most part) like 20 years old. Get with the program!
- Why in the hell are there so many parenthetical statements on this site?
A. Because J writes most of the stuff, and he's hopelessly addicted to them.
