The Jerks in The Back Row
In episode 2, The Jerks take on three cannibal brothers who apparently live in a shitty state park. Nothing beats this horrible horror abortion involving hot people-eat-people action and a few dead baby jokes to boot.
The Jerks take a vacation to Sleepaway Camp in this week’s commentary. Guest-Jerk Randy stops by to add to the humor that only a 16 year old shemale who’s family was killed in a horrible boating accident could supply. We all know summer camp can be awkward, but try going through it with the wrong set of genitals! Be prepared for all kinds of penisy fun.
The movie that started it all. Watching this gave Brett the idea that not all movies are created equal and some need to have the shit mocked out of them. Keep looking for this film about a teenager who can only be “fresh” down there if she uses a toothbrush.
More state park fun in Camp Blood! A disjointed plot, bad acting, some weirdo in a clown mask, and a might-be-Goth chick that might look like a duck? What more could you want? A lesbian park ranger? Well, you're in luck, because Camp Blood has all that and more!
The Jerks take on this short film from Showtime's Masters of Horror series. Proving once again the only thing creepier than John Carpenter playing the same synth note over and over again is Udo Kier. Crrreeeppppyyyy.
The Jerks take a road trip to Haddonfield where they poke fun at Brett's favorite horror movie of all time... and what's "poking" out of Jamie Lee Curtis' skirts. Tons of shemale jokes a plenty in this episode.
The Jerks drool over girls, cars, and Quentin T's directing. They love this flick, but it lends itself to be made fun of. That's the whole point.
Uwe Boll brings us this steaming pile of video game-movie just ripe for the Jerks to tear into oblivion. Ever thought a decent arcade game should be made into a horror movie with raves, zombies, and annoying narration? Yeah, neither did we. But here it is anyway! This film proves that Nazi's and Michael Schumacher weren't the only assholes to come out of Germany.
Sorry, Schumi.
Glowing green goo, crazy hoboes (one played by Alice Cooper), and yet another AMAZING John Carpenter synth score!
You know what good ole' Jack Burton always says: Chinese Hell of Jerks in the Back Row commentary is the best thing since the Porkchop Express! Guest Jerk Josh sits in for a sick Brett for that sweet black blood of the earth action.
What happens when some miners from Newfoundland decide to start killing each other while making a point of saying each other's names over and over and over again? This commentary, that's what. Don't worry, even though Brett's mic isn't as loud as it should be, it won't give you the die-a-beetus. Probably.
The Jerks' parents hate them so much they've shipped them back to
Sleepaway Camp. Enjoy this commentary with Brett and J and the return
of the Jerks' favorite post-op shemale who likes to kill naughty
campers. SPOILER WARNING: There are no curling irons in this
installment of the series.
Vampires, hookers, and James Woods team up in this John Carpenter flick. Join the Jerks in arguing the finer points of vampirism, the downsides of being a hooker, and more about Randy's fetishes than anyone ever wanted to know. Including Randy. You get a little wood there, Padre?
Guest Jerk Josh joins the usual gang for a ghostly good time and way too much alliteration. What happens when Shannon Elizabeth and Tony Shaloub bring an annoying kid into a house full of ghosts? Brett declares a moratorium on Kazaam references, that's what.
Once upon a time, Brett found himself forced to leave after a movie watchthrough. Though, saddened, the remaining Jerks valiantly struggled onward, meeting nude puppets, creepy bird-people, lazy hippie dinosaurs, and Oprah. Only the magic of guest Jerk
brief exploration of the labyrinthine masterpiece that is Tobe Hooper's Mortuary. A must-listen to those searching for a deeper understanding of why we don't do dialogue-heavy movies, and why it's extremely important to check your DVDs for scratches before beginning.
joins the Jerks once again for a
can save them from
almost possibly probably maybe certain destruction!
The Stay Awake Bad Movie Marathon started off with a bang. Unfortunately, that bang was the sound of all 3 Jerks simultaneously slamming their heads into a wall over the brilliant casting of Street Fighter. All-American Guile played by Jean-Claude Van-Damme? Check. Massively muscular, peak of physical strength monster dictator M. Bison played by ailing Raul Julia? Check.
The marathon continues apace as the Jerks start in on what they assumed was the second Street Fighter movie: The Legend of Chun-Li. As it turns out, they just pretended that the first movie didn't exist, instead writing a stand-alone script and stealing Liu Kang from Mortal Kombat. And turned Chris Klein (Jon-a-tan!) into Agent Strahm from the SAW movies.
The Jerks revisit an old favorite in Brainscan. Super-creepy but awesome villain/mentor? Amazingly skeezy peeping tom behavior treated as normal and romantic? No, it's not a Twilight prequel, it's a movie about the misconceptions people have about video games. Mainly due to movies like this, oddly enough.
The movie that may or may not have psychically spawned the UwE-1 virus, like Sadako without a plot. Billy Zane, Meatloaf, and some guy with a chinstrap beard all walk through their roles as Brett nearly dies on camera. Of course, YOU don't get to see that, because you weren't watching the live feed. You do get to kind of hear J covering the fact that Brett vanished, though.
Not the George A. Romero original, but the 1990 remake helmed by SFX master Tom Savini. The Jerks discuss the finer points of choosing a hiding spot during a zombie apocalypse, the strange way females in horror movies tend to get more and more attractive as they near the end of the movie, and Tony Todd's gigantic, awe-inspiring man-hands.
Image is copyright Jared von Hindman
The Jerks take on this cult-classic hit from the 80’s complete with mullets, rubber-costumed mutants, hobos, and a guy named “Bosch”. A must-download for any fan of good bad 80’s horror.
Something of a GenCon special, the D&D Outsider himself, Jared von Hindman of Head Injury Theater joins the Jerks to lend an air of legitimacy to the proceedings. A veritable cornucopia of horror, with J suffering flashbacks after realizing the film was NOT as good as he remembered, Sean realizing he's the only one in the room who doesn't know why that bard comment is so funny, and Jared desperately afraid of losing his job!
A personal favorite of J's, the Jerks dive into a surreal world where Elizabeth Bathory moved to Louisiana and a Hollywood movie *actually* makes an effort to insert accurate gamer references. This one is the Unrated Director's Cut, so if things stop making sense, you have the wrong DVD.
J is once again the only Jerk to find the lead female attractive (see Camp Blood) as Jared dusts off his Christian Slater impression and channels the spirit of Uwe Boll to answer questions!
